mental health · Mental Health Awareness · Obsessive Compulsive Disorder · OCD · OCDawareness · Uncategorized · wellness

Bloom Where You Are Planted

It has been over a year since my last entry. I faced a huge season of growth (and writer’s block). I did a lot of hard things. I made a lot of hard choices, some seemingly minute while others quite large. I felt afraid to utter my advice, recipes, diy’s, and thoughts on mental health or health in general. I thought who am I to offer anything to anyone when I myself am still coming to grips of my own life? What makes me an authority on any subject? I was defeated by the narratives of my anxiety feeding me false information about my worth. I was nervous about the trajectory of this blog and its content. My brain was circuiting through thoughts such as- “What is your blog even about? No one is going to even read what you have to say. Everyone has a blog. Everyone has something to say. What is so special about yours?” These thoughts really lead me to decipher- Do I have to reinvent the wheel here? Or do I just continue to be authentically myself and write about what ever is on my heart? Do I need to stay in one single lane category- food, health, etc? How do I pick one?  Am I allowed to talk about mental health whilst recovering? Then I came to terms with the idea of acceptance, just as I learned through recovery from OCD, this negative self-talk is a misfiring of thoughts from faulty circuitry within my brain intending to stop me from doing what I really want/should be doing. Instead of listening to, finding meaning from, or chasing these thoughts away now I do my best to establish vacancy for any and all thoughts- good or bad. I make room for those thoughts and welcome them in the same way I made room for my obsessions. For the simple fact of, they don’t have to control me or stop me. I say, “Oh hello, thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your intentions to keep me safe, but I got this.” I am certain that these thoughts are what I let control my choice of not stepping back in to the blog world, but I am the author of this life and I decided that I get to write the next chapter.

Writing has been a great love of mine since I was quite young, in fact, I’d argue it was the first thing I ever felt I had a niche for. My sister would hand me barbies and at my disinterest I would ask for paper and any form of a writing mechanism, even though I did not know how to read or write. I was so proud to show my mom all of my “E-E’s”, which is what I called writing. It was the only letter I knew how to recreate and while to others it was simply a collection of scribbled e’s all over printer paper, to me they told stories. In elementary school, I often received academic achievement awards in language arts and writing categories. In high school, I created a blog filled of love notes and stories I stored in my heart for the boy of that time. In college, I have nailed almost every paper and at times I lack humility in recieving an A when I started the paper the night before it was due. I try my best to keep my feet down on the Earth, and remember not to take it for granted because every now and then I will enounter a woeful awakening- writer’s block. I am under the impression like most things, if you don’t use it you lose it. I lost it for a while, and am learning how to cultivate within me the things I feel I lack, just like Tupac Shakur’s “The Rose That Grew From Concrete” that highlights the theme of blooming where you’re planted, no matter where that may be.

The next blog post I plan on sharing is a story that I have been wanting to share for some time, but had to conjur up courage to do so. I will be sharing my own OCD story. I have a couple hopes in doing this. I want to shed light upong a highly stigmatized disorder explaining what it is and is not from personal experience. I also want it to possibly encourage someone else to seek help for any and all mental health issues that they may be facing. I want my OCD story to start a conversation. Maybe my one story, will unleash another’s need to reach out for help, or share theirs with others.

4 thoughts on “Bloom Where You Are Planted

  1. No one gives a fuck about anything you post on social media. You are seriously the most obnoxious, annoying person posting on “my stories” you need to seriously chill out lol please and thank. No one gives a fuck about your oils, no one gives a fuck about your ocd.

    -From all of your followers

    Like

    1. I feel so sorry for you, whoever you may be, that you would go out of your way to make a comment on my blog just to be mean and attempt to bring someone down to make yourself feel some type of way. I also feel sorry for you as a person that you think you are so important that you actually think that you speak on behalf of a few hundred other people. I really wish you the best and hope you get help. Do you want to know the great part about Instagram? You can unfollow people who you don’t like. Please do yourself a favor and take advantage of that. I’m also sorry you’re so scared to reveal yourself.

      Like

      1. I think you responded graciously and with real strength to the mindless rant the ‘everyone’ posted. They are evidently not everyone, but a troll who didn’t like you clip-clopping over their bridge.

        Like

      2. I appreciate your sentiment. I try not to fight fire with fire, rather to extinguish it. A friend told me yesterday some people don’t like you because your spirit aggravates their demons. I find that true. Even within myself when I find myself being mean, rude, or jealous I think that is a me problem, not theirs. Maybe this person has some demons of their own that they have not come to terms with. I hope they can soon deal with those things. It makes you a more free and happy person. Thank you again. I really enjoyed your latest blog post!

        Liked by 1 person

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